Always remember to respect his feelings. He feels that way for a reason and it should be honored. Don’t tell him not to worry as this will cause cognitive dissonance, which will only serve to aggravate his stress. Instead, show that you care and that you trust him. Don’t make him talk. It’s not very well known amongst women, I think, that guys can get extremely emotional. We are raised to be seen and valued as caretakers, and feeling like you’re a failure can cause you to feel worthless. There is no longer a way to be masculine, and so we cannot easily make ourselves feel better. You must, for now, show that you value him. No sex. Show affection. Sex is seen as a manly thing. He won’t feel like a man, and your wanting sex and his not wanting it will make him feel worse because he won’t seem very masculine. Do stuff you know he likes. Don’t ask him if he’d like to go; say that you’re going to do it and would like him to go with you. Politely insist, if you must. Make sure it isn’t something that’s too public. A walk in a quiet neighborhood, perhaps. If you ask him to go, he’ll say no, but if you show that you want him and say that you want to be around him, he’ll be more likely to go with you. Don’t say much, if anything. Just give him a hug and lead him. Seriously, take his hand and walk somewhere. He should be beside you, not behind. Don’t look at him, just walk by his side and comfort him by holding him close and leaning your head on his shoulder. He might start talking. If so, keep doing what you’re doing. No eye contact. Just listen. If he asks a yes or no question, simply hold him tighter or motion your answer with your head. Don’t ask questions to try and understand him better; just listen. Once he airs his thoughts and feelings, head towards bench that’s somewhere near home. Sit and listen some more. Once he airs his thoughts (if he does), take him home. You can cook a meal if you want, watch a movie he enjoys, cuddle perhaps. What he really needs now is time to reflect on what you’ve done. The point of not talking was to not distract him from his feelings. A distraction would be aggravating as it would make him feel like his problem isn’t important enough to be cared about, which would be even more demeaning to him. A time where he can be around you, but still not have to talk. You must not coax him into speaking. Most men need to process things on their own. That fact that he hid away from you shows that he is most likely one of those men. But the whole point of this is to show that you care for him, and thus, he is valuable.
Leave a Reply